You Show Up For Family

Recently we laid to rest my husband's uncle. To say he was a good man does not do him justice. He was the patriarch of the one side of my husband's family that ever took the time to really get to know us and accept us, and while that is important to our story, the truth is, it is the smallest part of who he was to my husband.

My husband has spent his life loving the water. Our standing joke is that he would wreck the car looking for fish in a puddle. His uncle was a huge part of developing that love. Every year his aunt and uncle had a family reunion for Jimmy's birthday and Father's Day and every year my husband was part of the crab gathering, not because he was asked to, but because he loved to. He has told me stories of his great uncle who owned the house on the water that Jimmy's family now occupies, and how crass he could be and yet the memories all seem to be fond. But back to the party...There were so many people every year and Jimmy and my husband wanted to make sure that everyone got their fill of crabs so they would start crabbing for days ahead of the party. Jimmy was one of the few people that let him be himself. He enjoyed my good-hearted husband and didn't judge the strong personality that is part of who he is. Together they would navigate the waters, gathering crabs and memories at the same time.

One of the standing jokes was that if anything ever happened to my husband and I, their choice would be to keep me. They never would have shunned either of us, but it felt so good to be accepted. As it often does, life gets in the way of frequent get togethers and the parties ended, but we always knew that if there was an invite, Jimmy and his family would be there. No matter what.

One of the toughest times for us was when my oldest biological son graduated from high school. Not quite two years after his biological dad committed suicide, he was angry inside. He was the first of his siblings to have to go through an event where his dad's absence was so palpable. June being one of my husband's tough cycle periods, he was not understanding about the strong emotions my son was trying to deal with and to say they butted heads was an understatement. Somewhere between the actual graduation, where his sister was invited but left because she did not have a ticket for the main room and would have had to sit in the overflow annex with my sister, and two of our daughters, and his graduation party, my husband left with no intention of returning...again. Trying to have the celebration for someone who was so hurt that two father figures in his life would abandon him, was tough but I was bound and determined to try and love him enough to show that he was worthy. As I always tried to do, I put on a happy face I did not feel as I greeted his guests. I do not remember any specific details about that party. The guest list originally included both sides of the family so I knew that it would be much smaller than originally anticipated, but when Jimmy, his wife, children and grandchildren walked through the door the tears I had been trying to conceal rushed out. As he put his arms around me the words he would say would resonate with me forever. He looked at me and said "you show up for family". I pray he knew how much it meant to me, how much he meant to me.