The Plan

As the roller coaster chugs along and you realize that there are manageable parts of this life, there comes a point in this stability that while the foundation is firm, it is still wise to have a plan for the different elements that you know will be able to follow. Different parts of the cycle bring about different approaches but the basic needs of returning to stability is the same.

In mania, it is wise to make sure that their access to finances is minimal but not cut completely off. Bill paying accounts and savings accounts need to be set with either you as the account holder or if you are not the type to be guilted or bullied, a two person withdrawal system is available at some banks. It is my opinion that a debit card is far too easy to swipe and spend without feeling the pain therefore, I choose not to carry one and my husband is willing to abide by this thought as well. But on the flip side, if you do not make sure that they are provided with some form of currency it will impact our loved one and and aggravate the mania. Nobody wants to feel caged or trapped. I recommend cash as the perfect form of currency during a manic episode because it can noticeably dwindle and then run out without doing as much damage. The amount can be granted daily, weekly or in a lump sum.

This being said, while they are in the throes of mania is not the time to attempt to explain this plan or put it in place. During the calm times is when to come up with these ideas, preferably as a unit. I am fond of writing everything down both as a point of reference and as proof that the ideas were agreed upon. This is a time of hope. Where you ae working together to protect your entire entity. A secondary feature of the plan also establishes boundaries in a very natural way and if the nature of the conversation is teamwork, it should make those boundaries much more clearly established. Conversation provides for stating the ones that you absolutely will not permit to be crossed and also those that are more wishes than boundaries. Going into these endeavors with pre thought ides of what means the most to you will allow the conversation to still be productive if something triggers and the good works has to be cut short, as we all know it sometimes will.

If per chance you are finding a need to attempt this during one of the low times, where your loved one is in the throes of depression, it is important to sound much more sure of this than you may feel in the moment. They need us to show them a glimmer of hope and protection from what can feel so overwhelming. But make no mistake, it is for us as their spouse just as much. I don't know about you, but in any situation I feel more secure if I am able to follow a well laid out plan, especially a written out one. For these times and the mania, it is important that while establishing the structure it is kept relatively simple. If they were able to control the situation, we would not be writing or reading this blog at all.

So stick to protecting the most important parts of your family. First and foremost, your family, especially the children. There is a fine line between them understanding that one of their parents has an illness and them feeling like they can control it by _____________. Kids will have very different needs in dealing with the practicalities and the emotions that come with having a parent with bi polar based on age, how close they are to the parent and how much exposure they have to them. This is definitely a topic to delve into further in a separate article. Second, finances must be watched and protected. As addressed at the beginning, there are many ways that can be effective, the key is coming up with what will work with your family unit. Third and final for me, is to make sure that there is a safe house either for you and your children and pets, or for your spouse. No matter where the safe house is, the people involved have got to understand that they are not expected to be doctors or psychiatrists. They will hear many many disparaging comments from our loved one and what makes them safe is that they are able and willing to continue to strive toward health for our loved one and to point them back toward home. They need to communicate with you during the times leading up to and during the need for the stay and they need to love all of you enough to know that you are better together. It is not easy to pick the person that you feel will be able to handle the task and they have to believe in their ability to help. Their involvement will be communication, expectations and in the end, the ability to tap out if necessary.

There is so much more to touch on for this topic but it is so personal and individualized that there is no way to give more than a very broad template. Protect your family, protect your finances, and ask for help where you need to. Time the conversation well and already know what is important to you. Remember the goal is always to be their rock to the best capacity that you can all while standing on the foundation of the Lord.