House In Faith

It has been several months since I have sat and taken the time to write. Back in October of 2021 my husband and I came up with a super risky and terrifying plan to reboot our marriage and our lives. We decided we had to find ourselves again. So much had gone on in the last several years that created us to be in roles with each other and within our family that were no longer necessary and had become unhealthy. Co dependency is a very tangled web.

My husband took a small condo at the beach, clothes, his computer and a bag of books. Sounds like Heaven to some, but for him, it was a first time learning experience. One of his biggest struggles is to be by him self. On the other side of this experiment, I see what a gift he was giving us. At the time, I just felt relief and fear. It had been such a hard season for us, I am sure he did too.

From the jump, he was much quicker to delve in and work hard from the inside out. He re committed his relationship with the Lord by not only listening to the bible but studying a chronological version of one. This began some of the best conversations we have had in a very long time. By the end of the first month, I was looking forward to our conversations again. They were no longer filled with questions of what always feels like control, they had substance and depth. Spiritually I was feeling led again and for the first time, equally yoked. Opposite of his jump into the work to be done, I relaxed for the first time in years. I was happily surprised at how much free time I suddenly had. I read, watched movies, played my games, reconnected with my friends and stayed up and slept in later than I had in years. I found myself cleaning things out and purging junk from cabinets and drawers. I made list after list of what I wanted to change and work on within the house while he was gone. The plan in my head was that he would come home for the holidays and I might go down there once, twice at the most.

As can be expected, the moment came when we were tested both as a couple and individually. Alcoholism had reared its ugly head and created a feeling of betrayal and distrust again. Silence had become my default versus having the fight. So when he yelled at me "do I sound drunk?", my return yell surprised me as much as him and I replied "yes!". That was the last we spoke that evening and the next morning's phone call was, not surprisingly, quiet on my end and confused on his as he wondered what may have really happened the night before. But as life happens, God used the ugly to create the beautiful and the next phone call was the one that changed our lives.

He started with the words, "I owe you and apology." There was no lecture, no reminder of what his drinking does to me or the kids, only gratefulness as he told me of going to a meeting, a new acceptance and plan to move forward in life with alcohol being absent. He had done this before but something felt different this time. It was all his idea and his plan and somehow he made the connection of pain and alcohol.

Alcohol is a depressant and has a negative effect on many, if not most medications and especially mental health medications. We had made so many attempts at controlling the scenario that this proven, scientific fact had been ignored for the most part. We had been fighting the beast of bi polar with a defective weapon and wondering why we were losing?

So we moved forward and our talks got better and deeper. He was making connections between his resolution and the Lord, and I was praying just to stay out of His way. Suddenly, a few things began happening. He began not just missing me, but missing the kids and grandkids. He began making friends and looking forward to each day. And I began missing him...really missing him, and seeing that we actually may have the right to hope for a future. Something I had stopped doing so long ago. I don't mean just his and my future, I meant a future for me period. I had resigned to just surviving until I died and hoping I was able to leave a little something to my kids. Looking back, it was a very sad existence.

Six months went by and after many visits to the beach, we have decided to buy a vacation home versus a safe house. What a difference faith can make.