Thank God For My Large Family

Sitting up in my bed,. I suddenly hear what I imagine a herd of elephants to sound like. Pounding of footsteps and laughter ringing out as someone knocks on my door with excitement. The door opens quickly as three of my kids and my soon to be son in law come piling in with a funny story that they could not wait to share with me. They are exuberant, cutting each other off laughingly to add to what the last one just said. I begin to laugh before I even know what is funny just because they are laughing so hard. I will forget the details of the moment, but as a feeling of a memory, I will replay it many times over.

I thank God that this is not an isolated incident for me. As a multi generational home, I know how lucky I am to get to see my children interact with their siblings on a regular basis. Sometimes they are rambunctious, even at their adult ages. Sometimes they are serious, and no one else will do to vent to or with. Sometimes they get irritated with each other and throw a few choice words over their shoulders as they go calm down. But most of the time, they are just there for each other as company, allies, entertainment and friends.

When Covid happened and the country shut down, isolation was not an issue for us. Our state allowed 10 to gather but we had 12 that lived here. Enough for a great volleyball game, corn hole, cards or whatever we felt like doing at the time. Shortages of items were not a problem as each of us would contribute as a whole.

My one son came down with Covid before anyone knew to test for it. He was sicker than I have ever seen him. Within a couple of weeks my daughter and other son's girlfriend came down with the flu. One had type A and the other had type B ( tricky from inside the same house). Again, this was prior to the formal outbreak but I have no doubt that had they fallen ill in March instead of January of 2020, they would have been included in our county's statistics. As we do with everything, we handled it as a family. Big pots of homemade soups and plenty of binge watching movies and shows. Thankfully we were lucky, they all healed with no long term effects. It wasn't until 11 months later that my then 6 year old granddaughter came down with another case of Covid and we were quarantined again. As her father and aunt, she healed well and has no memory of feeling much more than a cold. Even so, it was a time where fear and too much togetherness could have prompted some spats and ill feelings in most any family but I have to say for ours, we were able to utilize all corners of the 6 bedroom house and the back yard and somehow managed to stay harmonious for the most part.

Long before the shut down, we learned that we could find comfort with each other in ways that no other will do. Only we really know what life is like when one member of a household carries so much weight for the mood of the house. Only we know how quickly a great time can change into a moment of terror. It doesn't happen often but all it takes is once to change who you are. Only we know that a calm day does not guarantee a calm night. And when I say only we, that could mean any family's version of life with a bi polar member. Each family has its own version of this knowledge but to try to explain it to someone who does not live in this family dynamic would make them think you were making it up or at least exaggerating the situation. Our truth has been that we tend to bond together knowing it is more comfortable than trying to explain our life. We reach out for each other in the tough times and we carefully enjoy the good times.

All of this being said, there are still a lot of personalities to blend together. I can honestly say that it was a relief when years ago I overheard someone look at their husband who had just had an argument with his son on the baseball field, and said I am not cleaning up your mess. It was a relief to realize that I was not responsible for any member of my family's relationship with another. I can have boundaries and expectations but at the end of the day, if you are not meshing well with one sibling or parent, there is another to go find. Ironically, the kids and my husband started getting along better when I stopped insisting that they do so. I am responsible for my relationship with them, not each others.

I feel like my children are closer than most both to each other and to me. It may be that we have all experienced a lifestyle together that isn't easily explained or understood by other, or it could just be who we are. Take all of the what ifs out and what you have is a gratefulness for each and every one of them.