Something To Look Forward To...But Not Too Much

As the world opens back up there is so much to be thankful for. We made it...not all were that lucky. For those of us who can't stand wearing the masks, there is an end in sight. Small businesses are about to not have to compete so heavily with unemployment supplements. People are able to be around people. People making permanent quality of life changes. No matter what we have been looking forward to, most of us walked out of 2020 with a reality of how quickly life can change. It is almost as if the world got a taste of what life with bipolar can be like. Some good, some bad but definitely unpredictable.

Our perception of the same situation can change based on so many internal factors. For me, how tired I am can twist even the best of intentions. No matter how much I enjoy something, if life gets too busy, I have a need to withdraw.

Life for us has resumed to a "normal" financially. God has provided for us countless times but it is always good when we can help out a bit. For instance, as my husband was super sick and unable to work, my business began to thrive. When Covid shut our business down, my husband's SSD came through after three years. God provides. But now, with many tears of frustration and a few doubts along the way, the business is reopened and new avenues are appearing and we have his disability to count on consistently.

Our world has reopened carefully for a few of the fun things in life again such as travelling. We have a second hand camper, large enough for just my husband and I and our dog. The size is intentional so that we are not having to make excuses as to why we may want to get away just the two of us...there is just no room. :) With my work at a point that my daughters can handle it for a few days and my husband in a state of retirement, we have travelled more this summer than in the last 5 years combined. As four more trips loom ahead, I find myself craving alone time. Time to recharge and gear up for the fun I see ahead.

The recharge is necessary on so many levels. It stresses me out to leave the business even though I know the girls can handle anything that comes up as well as I can. Being social is a challenge for me. I can engage in the small talk of an enjoyable acquaintance but it wipes me out. Protecting my husband, how is this next trip going to tilt the balance for him? We both know he craves change and togetherness but needs the stability of structure and consistent surroundings? He and I even relax in very different ways. I want sunlight, a good book and 80's music playing softly in the background. He wants to move from one fun thing to the next. Having been together for so many years, we have found ways to compromise but again, this ability comes in the recharge and knowing what can push him too far.

So, we look forward to the fun we see ahead and allow ourselves the ability to readjust if we have to. Social distancing felt like a punishment to some and a protector to others. In an unpredictable world such as a life of bipolar, it is both!