Me's Hates This Roller Coaster

These words were uttered by my three year old grandson on the second time that we rode the roller coaster together. It was small to me and huge to him. The first time he rode it he was excited, not having a clue what was around the next bend, or at the top of the hill. I convinced him to ride it again, wanting to make the other kids happy as that was their request, but he was hesitant. He knew that the bumps had an energy to them, but this time he knew that at the top of the hill was a plummet and he knew that there was fear even within the excitement. There were parts that he liked but were they worth the parts that he didn't? He trusted me and agreed to go one more time.

The high of a roller coaster ride is an adrenalin rush. As an adult, the first time that you go through the ride it is unfamiliar. You have little idea of how long the ride will be, how high the highs nor how low the lows. Before you board you assume all safety measure have been met, that the coaster is safe and the track is secure. You have watched multiple other riders enjoy the ride and climb off safely, ready for their next adventure. Every now and then you see a straggler with a disheveled look, glad to be off with no intention of ever taking that ride again. For the toddler there is no concept of what could happen. Only anticipation of laughter and excitement. Any level of fear comes as a surprise, usually at the top of the hill as they realize they are about to fall. It is too late though, they have to just hang on. Some close their eyes to that they cannot see what is coming. Others keep their eyes completely open for the exact opposite reason. At the end of the ride a decision is made. The track has leveled out, the coaster is completely under control and the memory of the first, largest drop is back at the beginning of the ride. Was it worth it? Will you ride again?

The life of a bi polar spouse bears similarities to both riders. We put faith in the track and coaster, that they are being taken care of and maintained but you are still aware that at any time something could go wrong. The toddler in you wants to believe that there are nothing but good times ahead until you realize that at the top of that hill, there is a fall.

Life is not meant to be a roller coaster. It is meant to be lived in a stable environment that leaves room for growth, comfort and a feeling of safety. We are supposed to look forward to the high of a trip to an amusement park and anticipate a few lows of grief or disappointments. Without these we would not know to appreciate the stable times, where our recharges are able to be counted on and effective. Most of the time we do our best to be a good sport, like my grandson at the beginning of the second ride. But other times the words of a three year old make the most sense. Me's hates this roller coaster.