Congestion- When Your Head is Going Too Many Directions

At some point all of our heads get clouded up with congestion. It can be exciting congestion like planning a wedding or prepping for the holidays or it can be troubling congestion like uncertainty of your career, your marriage, your next move. It can be worrying about things you have no control of or a feeling of being overwhelmed because you can do something but don't know where to begin. Or, it can be knowing that you have to make a big move but you are unsure of how to do so or if it is right.

What makes it congested is that there is no easy way to unjumble the thought process. Sometimes time and sleep help, other times a long walk or jog. For me, going to my favorite thinking place calms me to the point of being able to at least figure out what I need to prioritize in my head. Once I get that figured out, I either focus on that or am able to get the little boxes checked off. Prayer and quiet are the keys to me finding my way out of the busy. But sometimes the busy clogs my head too much to even remember this.

Another thing that I have found is that when I know I am agitated but cannot figure out why, I find myself trying to talk my way through it out loud, usually to my husband thinking I am upset with him. When this happens, I will literally state a feeling and then try to comprehend if that was it by how I feel once it is out. Strangely, I know almost right away once it is spoken, whether that is what was bothering me or not.

I am a list maker. I enjoy this part of my everyday organization and living routines. The benefit of making a list helps me sort my day, my tasks and my brain. When I am unable to pick up the pen to make my list, I understand that I had better find quiet quickly. There is a scene in the movie Soul Surfer that comes to mind when something feels too large to even see. It is the super close up picture of a fly's eye. However, you could not tell it was a fly's eye until a few steps back were taken and you could see the whole picture. Sometimes we do not get that ability. Sometimes we are stuck in the close up image and have to try to decipher what is really going on.

As tough as this can be for us to do with ourselves, our spouses genuinely do have it much harder. What is tougher than even this? As our spouse goes through the jumble, probably much more often than we do, we have to try to do for them what we have difficulty doing for ourselves. At the top of the difficulty level is knowing that often we will do this while our spouse is blaming us for the jumble in their minds. My husband has a high level of expectation that I manage the world around him when it is really what is inside of his head that is the chaos. I have often said if you want to know what it is like being married to someone with Bi Polar imagine your best friend openly hating you and all that you love about 5 times a year. It is painful. It is confusing. You know they don't mean it. You know that it is not their fault (as long as they are compliant) and you know the cycle will end and the person that you love with all your heart will return. Everyone goes through times where their heads are congested. Like Bi Polar Disorder, for us it is just often extreme.