Being Aware of Your Needs

A clean house, a favorite show or movie, grilling out when the temperature hits 65 in March... It is the little things that we need to focus on when the opportunity presents us the ability to do so. So much of our lives is extreme, why not make the effort to notice the little joys. Those are what give us the small victories and for me, it is what pours strength back into me for the tougher times.

It is important to really know yourself. Know what your love language is, know how you recharge, know where you are able to recharge and know what brings you joy. If I am home there is always something to do. Inside and out and don't get me wrong, I enjoy doing the tasks that make my home and yard a nice place BUT if I want to sit and read a book, soak up the sun or have one of my really good sessions with God I had better head to my escape spot. I have two. One is in our backyard gazebo. A few years ago my son and daughter made it a super comfortable and beautiful spot, perfect for an afternoon of music or just listening to nature. The second is not far and not elaborate, a local park that had a genius behind the planning provides plenty of nooks and crannies with a pond, benches, small docks and serenity. These spots are set well away from the excitement of the multiple playgrounds, volleyball pit and paddle boats so they are perfect places to recharge for an introvert. I have a bag that stays packed with one of my bibles, a mind rotter (romance or drama novel) and a notebook so that whatever mood hits me, I am prepared to just grab and go. It has to be that way because if I think about it, I will find something else that needs to be done. It took me a long time to realize that I need to matter too and to realize the best way to feed my inner soul when it is so tired.

Being aware of how to get what we need means both capitalizing on the small joys and knowing what we need and how to achieve it. As I stated above, I am an introvert with melancholy tendencies. I need calm and tranquility to rebuild my reserve. It is usually at a gathering that I remember this acutely. When things have been rough and I am aware that my husband is in a peak or valley of his cycle, I will usually put myself in a position of my back in the corner while I socialize for the purpose of feeling safe while I have my eye on everything possible. When things are relatively calm, I tend to put myself in a position of task focus such as food prep or straightening or serving. This provides me the ability to focus on fewer people at a time but still remain social. These were not intentional acts as much as they were recognized as what worked at any given point over a period of time

People tend to confuse introverted with being shy. There isn't a shy bone in my body. I am relatively comfortable with public speaking, have the ability to converse with most strangers when necessary and am aware of the cause of any anxiety coming more from trauma and exhaustion than a personality trait. While I am able to complete interaction based tasks, I realize I am going outside of my box to do so. I realize that there will need to be a recharging time afterwards. Looking back I remember the vibrant person I used to be. I loved the gatherings and would plan them frequently. Often I would create a guest list with certain tasks in mind such as who would play volley ball, who would dance on the deck, who would stay to enjoy the firepit. I was still a homebody and an introvert at heart but I also craved the activity and interactions. I didn't feel the same protectiveness of my recharge time because it came so naturally after the events and because my recovery was of a good time not coming off of an exhaustion. These days I can't be selective about my guest list because we socialize with so few people so my activities are much more limited.

So we are back to recognizing the small joys. Sitting in the gazebo and seeing the fat squirrel that ate your entire garden last summer and being excited that he made it through the winter and returned. Looking around the bonfire and seeing your adult children that still want to spend time with you. Snuggling in on the couch with a blanket to watch a show you have been looking forward to seeing. Driving down the road and your husband reaches over just to hold your hand. It really is the simple things that matter and knowing yourself and your needs enough to recognize them is a necessity, not a choice.